Still thinking

Behind squinting eyelids, I awoke, lifting my head and looking outside my bedroom window. A single penetrating blue light was surrounded in blackness. Mortality, I thought. What was the haunting apparition? It was the light coming from the apartment complex behind the church across the street. Oh, yeah, that’s right, I’d seen it so many times before.

Lately, the theme of death has come into the forefront, that recurrent chapter in the illusion of life. Seeing the scene of Carlos Sevilla’s fatal accident on Youtube, thinking of my neighbor’s passing again this time of year and the recent passing of a family friend. The details of the friend’s death are not quite clear; a possible heart attack was at work. All the melancholy things I want to say, how we are raised believing life is endless, until we are older and life starts slipping between our fingertips….I want to say how cheated I feel when I realize the harsh reality that it’s all ending, that life is only a brief phase….But I won’t. I’ll stop the impending tears, and breath. I’m breathing right now, but let me speak no more on these things. I’d rather maintain the illusion of life.

Tonight’s dark blue sky, glowing golden moon and grey clouds are haunting. I thought about all that’s been going on lately, the personal account I wrote about the time I was hit by a car. I thought about how my professor told me she was hit by a car, and the story I covered yesterday. Yesterday a female Mt. SAC student was hit by a car and flew three feet. She suffered mild head injury and was flown to USC Trauma Center. Today, I heard from a guy who supposedly held her and attended to her wounds before EMTS arrive, that she was back at home and doing okay. I’m glad for that.